You Just Need To Hear It
by wsm021
Summary: With her back against the wall she knows exactly what needs to be said in order to make him stay. She's just not ready yet. Well she better get ready because his bags are packed and he's more than willing to walk out the door.


**AN: I own nothing. The last episode left me insanely happy I love seeing Damon back in his element, he isn't meant to be anything other than who he is. That said, still team delena even though Elena needs to do some begging. Wrote this to satisfy my need for that. =)**

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><p>After all the craziness was over she thought she'd finally be able to take a breath. Thought that with Klaus gone and Jeremy home she would be free to relax again. At least for a minute. But he couldn't give her that. Not a single second, because instead of joining in with the rest of them he'd left. While Bonnie and Caroline shouted, danced around and laughed, while Ric raided his insanely expensive alcohol collection, while Stefan and Jeremy had watched on with smiles, Damon had walked out. She thought nothing of it at first. Too happy, too liberated, too blind. But the minutes ticked by, one after another and he never came back down. So she went to him. Bypassing Stefan who'd suggested it may be best to give him some space. Clearly her ex didn't know his brother half as well as he thought he did. You never gave him space, what Damon did with space was vent. And Damon chose to vent by destroying everything in his path. Besides, when had she ever listened to Stefan about how to deal with Damon. No she'd gone to him, absently tracing her hand along the banister thinking of what to say. Taking a deep breath, she knocked once not bothering to wait for a response before walking in.<p>

A part of him had hoped she would follow. A bigger part had hoped she would be too distracted to notice his departure. The closer they had gotten to the end, the more he'd thought about this moment. What would he do once she was safe, what would happen once he was no longer needed? Barbie had a good head on her shoulders, and he would come back for her in a few years. She'd made him promise that, promise that she wouldn't spend eternity alone. And she wouldn't because somehow the former queen of shallow had grown on him. And then there was Stefan. The new King of control. No reason to stick around for him. And Ric, who only wanted normal, the former vampire hunter who wanted nothing to do with the supernatural after turning into a crazy killer. He'd miss the guy but one friend wasn't worth the agony that followed him every corner in this forsaken town. The pain that began and ended with her name. It was time that he moved on. He'd thought about it so extensively but leave it to him forget about the most important part. He knew where he would go, knew what he would say to his brother. He knew that he would still call his one friend, that he would be back for his childe. He knew that he would keep tabs on baby gilbert and make sure she was always taken care of. Somehow though he hadn't thought about saying goodbye.

She wonders if during the last battle she had somehow turned into a vampire. Because she can't remember the last time she'd taken a breath and while her lungs are starting to burn she can't seem to remember how to. There were two duffle bags on the bed and it didn't take a genius to figure out what was going on. _You're leaving me. _She doesn't mean for that to sound as broke as it does. She doesn't mean for the tears in her eyes to run like twin rivers down her face. She doesn't mean for her heart to break or any of the reactions her body commits to without her permission. She wants to yell. Wants more than anything to throw a fit like the teenage she was but had never really had time to be. He'd promised. That's why she's upset. It's not because she can't picture her life without him in it. It's not because she can't remember the last time she had gone an entire day without calling him, or texting him or seeing him at least. It's not because the majority of her newfound strength everyone's so proud of. well it comes from him. No, it's not because she cares for him so much it genuinely scares her. She's upset because he promised he would never leave, and she hates when people break their promises.

He forgets sometimes how young she is. And not just to him and his near two centuries but in actuality. Vampire or human, she's just a girl. A girl he had no business with, not anymore, maybe not ever. He tries to convey as much emotion as he possibly can, through his body, his voice and especially his eyes. _Not you. I'm just leaving. _It's the truth, one that he knows she won't believe. In Elena's world she believed what she wanted. Regardless of how true or false it might be. Another of the many reasons he needed to move on. Months ago he'd told Stefan to own it, live it, love it. Advice that he hadn't really been following at the time, not in everything, not with her. The person he was could not be altered and yet he'd spent months letting her think that she could change him, that he could be "better". Damon was completely satisfied with who he was, sure he'd killed people and even felt bad about it but he owned up to it. She made him regret almost every decision he'd ever made. Loving her made him hate himself for all the ways he would never be good enough, never deserving. And while that wasn't entirely her fault. She wasn't blameless. He wasn't leaving her, he'd never had her. He was just leaving.

She calls him a liar. And an ass. And a quitter. She tells him that he's weak. None of it makes sense. None of it applies to the situation but she says it. Says that Stefan needs him. Tells him that Caroline lights up whenever he's pleased with her. Asks him who Alaric's going to drink with if he leaves. She lays things on his plate that aren't really his responsibility. She tries to tell him that he's better than running away, better than a lone vampire with no humanity. She says everything she has to expect the one thing she knows will make him stay. The one thing she's sure she feels, but still fights against because she doesn't want to. She says everything and when she runs out of steam and insults, realizes that she hasn't really said much of anything. So she hits him. Trying physically to make a point when the words fail her. She whips her hair as she pounds her fist against his chest. The last year or training, pointless. There's no technique to her blows. No stance before she throws a kick. Just rage and momentum.

He takes it. Every kick, every punch. Gives her this because once he walks out the door he'll never be able to comfort her again. His heart falters a bit at that. There would come a day when she would cry herself to sleep without the feel of him next to her. An afternoon she would collapse in her bathroom feeling overwhelmed without his hand in hers keeping her grounded. He thinks of all the things he's going to miss, all the things she'll have to go through alone and it's enough to chip away at his resolve. So he grabs her wrist and pulls her to him. For her, he convinces himself, and a little for him. Just stands in the centre of his room and holds her for all the days to come. For the days she would need him and he couldn't, wouldn't be there. He honestly wishes he didn't have to leave, because as much as he hates it, he loves her. Truly, genuinely loves her. Would do almost anything for her. Except hide in the background. Because all the moments he would be missing are moments in the dark. He would be there for every breakdown, lending strength whenever she was weak. But when she was happy? When she was at the grill with her friends, or skating in the park or drinking in the woods, where would he be then? At home, or some random bar a few towns over. Her smile wasn't made for him, neither was her laughter or joy. That wasn't living, that was torture and he loved himself too much to go through that for a second longer.

Elena had never felt so despondent in her entire life. Her parents were dead. She'd been hunted and kidnapped and set on fire. Her brother had hated her, killed himself, killed others. He had no right to make her feel this way. No right being so important, so integral to her survival. How dare he put her in this position only to walk away. And he wondered why she kept him at arms length. How could she not when she knew this would happen. When she knew that they were only one fight, one meaningless glance at Stefan, one careless word away from him walking out on her. _I wish you'd never come home. _She doesn't mean it. But she says it. Because if she's going to hurt than so the fuck is he. His soul will bleed as it's ripped away from his body, his tears run until he drowns in the pool of them, his heart stop until he doubted it's very existence. Because if she was going to live with this pain for the rest of her life, he was going to live with it until the end of time.

He doesn't say anything as he steps away from her. There was no defense against that, no way to make her wish otherwise. And to be honest, it wasn't really news. He'd been struggling with that knowledge since the original ball. He shouldn't have come home, or at least he should have left once the tomb had been opened. There was so much he could have avoided, the loss of his sanity for starters. He picks up the books on his side table, all first editions and all his favourites dropping them into the open duffle bag. One more sweep of his room to be sure he has it all. If it were up to him he would burn the place to the ground, make sure there was nothing left to come back to but like everything else it, this house, this very room was hers now. He leaves her there, standing alone. He isn't surprised to find everyone waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. They hadn't exactly been quiet had they. He takes the drink being handed to him and smiles back. He hadn't planned it this way but it was time. He makes his goodbyes with a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

_You're all just going to stand there? _ Maybe not Bonnie, or even Stefan but she'd expected some help. Caroline respected Damon in a way she would never understand, Jeremy treated him like a brother and she'd never seen a bromance like the one he shared with Ric and they just stood there. Laughing, crying, talking, hugging like he was going on vacation or something. When Stefan tries to explain that it was Damon's choice she gives him a look that could only be described as scathing. Stefan had no right to say anything to her. This was his fault, if he hadn't left, if he hadn't come back, if he wasn't a ripper she never would have needed Damon. She tells him that. Screams it. Lets loose on everyone around her. Bonnie needed to stop with the water works. She had no right to cry, she didn't even like Damon, how many times had she almost gotten him killed. And Caroline, yeah right. She had him forever. Either she would leave or he would come back; for her, to take her with him wherever he went. No right. The only people that were losing anything,the only people that were being left behind; her brother and Alaric. So why don't you care, she asks. Why is she doing this alone, why are they staring at her as if she's pathetic. A lost puppy on the side of the road that just needed someone to care. She waves off all the hands that reach for her. She doesn't want comfort, not from all the traitors that surround her.

It's depraved but true that she has never been more beautiful to him than she was in that moment. Standing there with her vicious words in obvious agony. She was made for him in this moment, her darkness calling to his own. But she wasn't dark, not really. This was what he did to her, what he made her. Without him she was all things light and virtuous. He tells her that, further breaking his own heart but she needs to hear it. Both Caroline and Bonnie lay hands on his arms. In the last few weeks they knew better than anyone what those words cost him. Knew that there was nothing he wouldn't do for her, no matter the price. He tells her she'll see it soon. Once he's gone and things go back to normal. She'll finish her last year as head cheerleader, with the perfect boyfriend and amazing friends. She would shine again, go on to college and watch Jeremy live the life she made possible. She won't be alone, they would all stand by her and eventually she would learn to lean on Stefan again, the same way she had in the beginning. Because in his head that was the way things worked. Elena and Stefan, always.

Was that what this about? She could fix that, thank God. She didn't want Stefan, could never want Stefan. Damon could be in front of her, or on the other side of the globe. Damon could be dead, and she still wouldn't end up with Stefan. Did he need to hear it, fine she would tell him. Tell them all. Over and over until Jeremy clapped his hand over her mouth shaking his head in laughter. His reasons were ridiculous. He wasn't allowing room for anyone. It wouldn't be Stefan, or Matt, or any other nice sweet cookie cutter that came her way. How could he not know that. She was jagged and torn, she'd been abused and broken in ways that should have killed her. But she was still standing, still here because of him. Because for all the dark pieces of her soul that threatened to consume her there were pieces of his own soul made only to love her. Her dark in exchange for his, that was their understanding, how they worked. Why would he throw that away?

_It isn't enough. _ He doesn't mean for it to come out. Can tell by the small squeeze of Caroline's hand that she's worried about how much longer this can go on. It warms his heart, somehow he'd managed to come out of this with something. With her, his childe, his companion. Finally a friend he could trust, one that wouldn't die or turn her back on him. He watches as Elena's eyes narrow at the contact. Growing suspicious of the fact that neither of the girls had backed away from him since this confrontation had started. Somewhere in the last three months Bonnie had gained a sort of empathy that had changed her. Abby walking away had made her angry, volatile, willing to lash out at anything. So he'd let her, allowed her to take it all out on him. And then she'd stopped, finally understanding. She was hurt now, had been hurt by the last three years. He had been alive for a hundred and seventy-four years, alone for nearly all of those years, imagine how hurt he must have been. He wouldn't call her his friend just yet but she had become his ally showing that she would stand with him, even in this.

She wants to tell them to take their goddamn hands off of him. She wants to tell Stefan to wipe that look of dismay off his face, and tell Ric to pick his jaw up off the ground. She wants to drag Damon back up the stairs. Dump the contents of his bags on the floor and barricade the door. She wants to have this out in private, wants it to just be about them, between them. They'd never had that. She'd never been able to give him that. Everyone had come between them. She put all of theses people between them in hopes of keeping her feelings at bay. Distracting herself with her feelings for Stefan, and the reactions of her friends. She didn't have the time to sort out how she felt about Damon, because she didn't want to. She knows that, is even willing admit it. Ignoring the soft _finally_ that escapes Jeremy's lips and the way everyone seems to take a collective step back from the tragedy in front of them. She could be better, would be better. He just needed to stay.

_It's not enough. _Anything she was willing to do now wouldn't make up for the fact that she hadn't been willing to do it for years. Years. Was he the only person that understood that. She hadn't sat in denial for weeks or even months. But years, she had let him kill her brother, and sleep with other woman. She'd let him grow to care for Rose because it meant he wouldn't be focused on how much he cared for her. She wanted to do better now, too damn bad. He could never, had never been able to sit by and watch her with anyone else. She'd welcomed it, that's how unwanted his love had been, how much of a problem it was. He hadn't known at first how much that would hurt him. More than anything she had said, more than anything she'd ever done. The knowledge that his love had caused such a displeasure within her, it broke parts of him he'd thought had died. But he'd gotten over it, the same way she would get over this.

_You've lost your mind. Completely. Klaus must have hit you a lot harder than I thought because you just said the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Not in a year or a decade or on my death bed. You may be able to but I will __**never**__ get over this, get over us. You took something from me, something I need but I can never have back. You made it yours and that's fine, I want you to have it. But you need to stay Damon. Because you have my soul, my very life in your hands and if you leave you might as well kill me because I'll never be truly alive without you. And neither will you. You could go on until time stops living but never_ _alive. Because when you took my soul, I demanded yours. You need me. You need me and that scares the shit out of you. So you're running. You're a coward so don't you dare judge me for the past. I never left. Maybe I never owned up to it but I never walked away. I couldn't, not when Stefan doubted me or Bonnie hated me. I never left you, and I never would have. But you can leave me, you can pack your bags and walk out that door and never look back. You love me Damon, sure. But not nearly as much as I love you apparently because I would never have left you. I will never get over this. And I will never forgive you. _

He dropped his bags about halfway through her tirade. The weight of them coupled with the accusation in her eyes had been too much. Everyone was gone, to the den or the library who knows but they've made themselves scarcest. He doesn't know what to say. He'd been prepared for anything, for everything. Not that though, never that. Damon had looked at the situation from all the angles there were and never had he thought she would see it like that. That she would think what she'd done had been better than walking away. She needed him but she was scared, so she hurt them both. Because the constant hurt was better than nothing at all. Its twisted logic but what about them wasn't. They are practically demented. Her logic makes about as much sense as his does, he just hadn't thought of it. But he's thinking about it now. Turning it around, upside down, attacking it in his mind until there's nothing left. Because she was right. Whether they were a couple or they were friends, whether they were happy or they were fighting at least they were still together, dealing with life as a team. She would never leave him, what more could he ask of her.

Elena's pretty sure she broke him. He's just staring at her, barely breathing. She tries to slow her own panting breath, sure she looks like she just ran a marathon. Tries to slow her heart down to that irregular three/four count she knows he loves. His head is tilted to the side while he examines her, looking as though he's never seen her before. Maybe it was what she said, or maybe the ways she said it but she knows it's enough now, more than enough. He isn't all caught up yet, his mind working through everything that had changed in almost no time. She takes him by the hand not surprised when he jumps a little, his body disconnected in a way she can understand. She'd felt the same thing upstairs. Her body lashing out while her mind broke down. Good thing he wasn't trying to reacting the way she had. Good thing he never reacted the way she did. He was the reason they had made it this far and now it was her turn to take the lead for a little while. She leaves his bags where they are, wanting nothing to do with the reminders of what she had almost lost.

He lets her lead them back to his bedroom. He can hear everyone in the library now, the music is back on and drinks are being poured and the celebrations have resumed. He thinks though that the reason may be different. And then, behind the closed door of his sanctuary he hears nothing. Nothing but her heart, and her breathing and her clothes as they slide from her body. The fog clears then, mind and body coming together in one singular task. Loving her. Differently than he had before, but no less intense. No less than she deserved.

So she gave him her body, her commitment and her acknowledgement of the love between them. She would say whatever he needed to hear, do whatever needed to be done. Because at the end of the day, he was worth every thing she had to give.


End file.
